Zen. Yes, aren’t you funny. You suddenly conjure to mind that image of Edina (Eddie to those of us who are close) from Ab Fab (1) striking those meditation chimes in her bedroom and intoning “Zhong geen goon gin gaaawww”.
Seriously though, I am studying Zen. Trying to at least. Right now I’m on about Chapter 4 of, don’t laugh, The Idiot’s Guide to Zen. I said not to laugh! Ok, I’ll explain that one first. I’ve been interested in the topic for some time now. So, every time I stroll into the mecca which is Barnes & Noble, I make my usual circuit of the lovely dark wood shelves that are kept so orderly by the ever perky and helpful staff. For me, it’s science fiction/fantasy, gay literature, British/European history (I have this thing for Celtic mythology and history), and gardening. And, if I’m fortunate enough to be in one of the B&N’s that have one, I mosey through the CD & DVD collections they have to offer.
Sometimes it seems to me that bookstores are like some sort of museum: you look and even touch, but you don’t just take it home with you! (Sort of like going out to a gay bar with friends when you have a partner). Sure, I buy books from the bookstore (and online of course). But often as not, I just love sitting in one of their overstuffed chairs and skimming through a book that’s interesting. If it’s good enough, I can swing by on the next trip in and begin reading in earnest.
Great, now all I need is someone from B&N to read this. They’ll begin tailing me and timing my reading time. I can see it now – “Sir, I’m going to have to ask you to set the book down, you’ve browsed through 855 of 857 pages of this novel, I think you should know by now if it’s worth buying.” I’ll guiltily slink away to the refuge of the ever present Starbucks for biscotti and café mocha.
Anyway, I finish my leisurely stroll through my pre-ordained circuit, and then I head for my latest hot section: Eastern philosophy. See, I’ve tried the West thing, and honey, it just ain’t doin’ it for me. How was I raised? Well, I grew up in Texas so I’ll give you a little hint: it’s either Southern Baptist or Southern Baptist. Soooo not me. By age 10 I’d had enough of the preacher getting up there and yelling about not giving enough money to the church (yeah, we had one of those) until he was red enough in the face to pop. At that point I was pretty clear on what my internal leanings were, but again I didn’t verbalize and acknowledge them for several years.
Atheist. Yes, atheist. I’m a gay atheist, and yes, by god (pardon the pun) I vote Democrat every time until I have my equal rights. Every conservative across the nation shudders at the thought of people like myself existing. Now, don’t get me wrong. I’m not some sort of vehement “I HATE GOD” types that tries to shove my beliefs down your throat, I leave that to the others. Live and let live is my philosophy. You’re atheist, you’re Jewish, etc. etc. that’s great. Technically I fall into the agnostic category I suppose, or somewhere in between. As I understand it, atheists believe there is no god, agnostics believe there is (again so cut and dried) but they choose not to worship him (or her or it) for one reason or another. I sit on the fence and examine the grass on both sides. I don’t believe there’s a god. I don’t see any undeniable proof there is. On the other hand, I don’t have any proof of the non-existence either. So, I believe there could be something like a god.
Either way, I’ve got my own life to live thank you very much and I’ll figure it out myself rather than have it force fed to me as to what I believe. Again, I don’t look down on others who do have a religion and choose to worship or not worship some deity in some manner. On the contrary, I really enjoy intellectual, calm, discussions on the subject with people from different perspectives. I may be atheist, but I have gained so much in perspective on life from talking to people about Judaism, Christianity, and Islam. In my college honors dorm, we had weekly talks in someone’s dorm room about various topics, often involving religion. It was great because everyone felt so comfortable being there in an academic environment and felt ok about saying they were atheist, agnostic, pagan, or whatever. No one ever yelled or became indignant about blasphemy (Small aside, here, sorry. I do have to say I absolutely hate that idea – “blasphemy”. Get down to the bare bones of it, basically people are saying you’re horrible and evil for not agreeing with everything they say. In my book that equates to ignorance, intolerance, and is about the dumbest perspective you can take on just about anything).
Well, I mentioned there a bit about “I’ll figure it out for myself”. Well, that was kind of a problem and hence the curiousity about Zen. Trying to figure out the big picture and the meaning of life and all that jazz is a bit tough to do on your own. Sure, you do just fine with what upbringing your parents gave you, the influence your surroundings have on you (friends, co-workers, etc.) and of course the law gives you a pretty good idea to start with of what you should and shouldn’t do. But there’s more to it than all that. I needed a sense of direction in life, a feeling that my life was in balance, that I was doing the right thing. More of a philosophy than a religion. Unfortunately, for most, religion does the trick. It just doesn’t work for me as all too quickly it begins to conjure this image in my mind of being strapped into some chair as beliefs are force fed into my as I’m whipped into line for disobeying. I’m strong headed and independent, and whips and chains are just not my thing! Personally, I needed something that gave me gentle, open-ended suggestions to doing things that came with logical explanations, not “because God said it was so”. I would read about the basic moral guidelines of some religions (or talk to friends to discover them), and could really appreciate them as good life principles.
So, my solution was to look in bookstores at the religion and philosophy sections. Religion was nixed, and philosophy typically went too far off into the deep end “Why are we here? Why do want to know why we are here? What are ‘we’?”… you get the idea. Then, one day, I picked up a Zen book and began skimming through it. After that, I put it back down and thought “huh?” And tried another. And repeated the process. Most Zen books were trying to be way too comprehensive. They would be Zen introductory guide, Zen history book, Buddhist bible, and Zen philosophy analysis all in one. Whoa. However, I picked up a few tidbits here and there, and I generally liked what I saw: (here come those bullet points….yeah!)
• No “just believe it and quit asking questions” type stuff. Sure, you can extend beyond Zen and follow the beliefs of Buddha which are closely intertwined with Zen, but you don’t have to. (2)
• Zen didn’t rain hellfire and damnation down upon you for screwing up. Zen is more like, hmm, oh well, if that was bad, then maybe I shouldn’t do it next time and move on. (3)
• Zen was simple and logical. It didn’t have a laundry list of things I shouldn’t do for no particular reason at all. (Why in the Bible is it bad to mix linen and cotton? It would really help keep the wrinkles in the linen down I would think. Now, polyester I would understand, but those two are natural fabrics!). Zen just says: Is it bad? Really ask yourself… is it bad? Then don’t do it stupid. Do good things and enjoy life.
Now, I could never really pick out the points above and put them down specifically on paper from the books I’d scanned. Not until, you guessed it, the Idiot’s guide to Zen (I’m going to have to pay these people royalties or something, I’m sure).
I was on a road trip for work to Austin (beautiful city by the way). I got bored and went to the B&N and ended up going through Zen books. Same old thing of being confused and not really being able to lock onto specific concepts in these books, just general impressions. (None of these damn authors had heard of bullet points or bold fonts!). Then, I found my book. Bold text, summaries in bullet points let me understand the basics of Zen in five minutes.
So, I’ve started on my path to enlightenment as they say in the world of Zen and the guy with the big belly (Buddha). I didn’t write this to poo poo on anyone’s beliefs or make those veins pop out on your neck. I didn’t write it so everyone would run out and buy Zen books and meditation mats, or even Absolutely Fabulous DVDs. I just felt like sharing my experience in finding the right path for me. I plan to set out on that path, short or long, easy or confusing, and enjoy the scenery along the way.
More lovely footnotes:
1. Ab Fab – Dear god… you’re reading this book and you don’t know what Ab Fab is? Ok, put down the book slowly, and walk out of the gay bookstore. Please turn in your gay card to the cute guy behind the coffe counter on your way out. Absolutely Fabulous, from BBC, the show about two fabulous women who know how to do nothing but party and drink and just, be, well, fabulous darling!
2. I’m not going to claim to be any expert on the subject. For real information, go find a good book. That said, Zen is th e philosophy side of an ancient religion with its roots in the Far East (China and Japan) and Buddhism is the religion side of it. The two are strongly interconnected, but you don’t have to believe in the life of Buddha and all the Buddhist principles to live a “Zennist” lifestyle.
3. Again, don’t yell at me if I get a Zen principle wrong. I already told you I’m on Chapter 4 of Idiot’s guide to Zen. That’s like the blind leading the blind. Of course, then again, in Zen, maybe that’s what you want! 